So, here is my first post. This has been on my mind all day and I thought I would share. It may not seem like much, but it is always on my mind. So here it goes.
I don't know why my mind does this, but my dreams are torturous. Yesterday I sat daydreaming about what it would be like to be sitting at my sewing machine making clothes and diapers for the baby I was carrying. Then last night I dreamt I was in labor, but didn't want to go to the hospital because I thought it was too early. I hate being jealous of other people who have newborn babies or are pregnant and I don't know how to control it at times. I have been brought to tears talking about it when my guard is let down, but I try to always keep it up. Every month when Aunt Flo comes to call, no matter how much I tell myself that there isn't anything there, a little piece of me is chipped away. I think I've come to terms about how it may never happen, but my mind never seems to listen.
Rereading this, I've noticed I can't even say what my torture is, but I don't think it needs to be said. I know some day will come, but some days it's too hard of a wait. For now, I know that I need to focus on something else. Maybe that's why I have so many hobbies, to keep my mind off the bad. But for now, this day has ended and I'm almost afraid to sleep but sleep must come and tomorrow is a new day.
Peaceful rest to all.
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