Being Thankful

On this Thanksgiving, I have a few things that are often left unsaid. So without further ado, here is my little list:

1. My little girl, who just turned 7, was born on Thanksgiving day and is what I am most thankful for. She began life so little and so strong-willed. Through all the struggles her father and I have been through, she has always taken everything in stride. Things that bother us don't seem to affect her.  Today, she has grown into a headstrong, tall, intelligent, articulate, silly, kind, an advocate for self and others, and a very independent child with a strong sense of right and wrong. I love every part of her. To paraphrase a book, "I love her through and through, yesterday, today, and tomorrow, too".
2. My equally strong-willed husband whom I have been with for almost 10 years (9 years, 7 months, and 4 days to be exact, but who's counting?). We've gone through a marriage, a divorce, and many ups and downs to be where we are today. I can never find the words to articulate to him how I feel, but in a way, I know he knows. He is the only person on earth to know my deepest and darkest secrets and I know I am the same for him. We have dealt with disappointments and broken dreams while celebrating joys and triumphs. I love his determination to get through his battles and his strong support to help motivate me through mine. I love his play on words or his making up lyrics on the spot. I can not ever think of my life without him, though admittedly, I have tried and I didn't enjoy our time apart, but these are the struggles that made us realize that we are meant to be together. I love you babe. I will always be your Nummerts, Gubbutts, and now your Bubbutts, and who knows what else in the future. You will always be my Huzzy.
3. Although I may never say this, I am thankful for my mom, whom I have learned many skills from. Though growing up, I never really took interest in the things she has done for us, other than the finished product, I use them today. I enjoy sewing and baking for my family, though I do not do these as much as I like. Traditions that we had in our house are being passed and used in mine today. I insist on making birthday cakes from scratch because I feel it is more special than a cake baked and decorated at home than one ordered from a store bakery. The Christmas Eve gift was always something to keep us warm while waiting for Santa's arrival. It was either a blanket and/or pillow, or a new pair of pajamas. I enjoy doing this today for my family. I also enjoy all the family stories of her growing up and others told to her. I have never really known my extended family, but these stories help me know them a little more. My mom and I sometimes don't get along well, at least from my end, but I'm glad to have picked up these things from her.
4. Having my dad around when I know many other people have never known their fathers is a big deal. I have developed a love of the smell of a mechanic's shop that is unrivaled. I love that he is a jack of trades and a master of none. I may have gotten my direct and unembellished answering style. If you want more details, all you need to do is ask. I love that I can get dirty and never think twice about it. His hands are rough from a life of hard work  with grease stains lined cracks. He is the one who taught me the value of the outdoors and always leaving an area a little cleaner than when you arrived. Teaching me to fish is something I enjoy doing today, as well as camping on a path untraveled. As with many in my life, I would like to see some changes in our relationship, such as his with my daughter. There are many things left unsaid because I do not like confrontation, among other things. Thank you Dad for doing your best for us with what you had.

A Little Sibling Jealousy

Well, I just read something my baby sister said about her little family of her, her husband, and their two cats. She goes on to ask what others thought is next... a dog or a baby. My first thoughts were of her needing to wait a while, then sadness and jealousy at the thought of her having a biological child of her own before me. I am coming to the realization that we may never have one of our own, but I had never given much thought of my younger siblings having children of their own. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have little nieces and nephews to call me Auntie, just as my daughter calls my sister, but I'm afraid of myself being overwhelmingly jealous and letting my sadness cloud my excitement for my siblings and their spouses for their/ our new addition to our family. My only hope is that not one of my brothers or sister, or their spouse, have the same issues as my husband and I.

When all is said and done, I will be overjoyed with the news and I will always have a smile on my face when the ultrasound pictures come, news of the first kicks and movements are shared, and all the little fun pregnancy stories are shared. Inside, though, I will probably be in turmoil.

For now, though, I don't need to worry about it. I just need to take it one day at a time. Let's just see what happens and hope for a dog.

To Build A(n amateur) Bodybuilder

As a little background, my husband (whom I call Huzzy), is an aspiring bodybuilder. This is a new-found passion stemming from years of obesity and fear of not being around for our daughter when she grows older (one that is not out of hypochondria, but out of a medical scare). To say this is a hobby is like dragging it in the dirt. He has lost about 125 lbs in the course of the 9 years we have been together, some of it in a not safe way, but most in the last year through proper diet and training. This lifestyle has steadied his moods (especially through the winter), gained a lot of self-confidence and has boosted his already inflated ego. ;) I am proud to say he is mine to stay, especially through all the mud we dragged our relationship through.

Now on to what I originally started this for:

This is a picture taken today from our monthly shopping trip. What you see here is 15 dozen eggs, 30 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken breast, and a huge 15 pound chunk of bottom round beef that we plan on breaking down into steaks, roast, and burger. You want to know what the sad part about this is? The eggs will probably be gone in the next 2 weeks or so with the chicken disappearing sometime soon. I've already cooked up 3 lbs of it tonight. Five dozen plus 2 eggs more have already been separated before this trip and are sitting in a pitcher in the fridge. What this picture doesn't show is the 20 lbs of frozen veggies, some fresh fruit, 4 bags of spinach, 2 large jars of peanut butter, cottage cheese, oats, grits, rice, and quinoa that will also be eaten before the month is through.

Now you may think this is a lot of food for one person to eat, and admittedly, our daughter and I will be eating about 2 dozen of the eggs, some of this chicken and beef, as well as the fruit and other things, but for the most part, this is his food. Understand this, he eats EVERY two and a half hours and if he is late, he becomes a grumpy, hardheaded person to be around. That is why he repeats the 5 P's: Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. It takes us (as in me, and he'll admit this) hours at times to prep for at minimum of 2 days worth of food and filter 4 gallons of water... and this is during the cut stage, which he is in right now. When he was bulking, his meals would consist of a serving of each of a sweet potato, broccoli, chicken, and rice (or some other starch).

He also trains in one way or another 6 days a week, either doing cardio, lifting, or both. This takes some time away from family at times, but I feel it is worth it for him to feel good about himself, no matter what the beating does to his body. Here is an example:

This is the consequence of doing proper form with deadlifts. Bruising on the shins that never seem to go away. It doesn't hurt him, but it isn't pretty to see.

With all this happening, he is graduating with his Bachelor's with an emphasis on public policy this Friday afternoon. His aspirations are high when reaching for the sword of the Natural IFBB competitions. He is a natural bodybuilder and has been eating clean (no junk food, smoking, chewing, or alcohol) for a year now. He is trying to raise funds to become a certified personal trainer so that he may help others who come from his background (plus he can always be in the gym).

He is a dedicated daddy, a supportive husband and friend, and a person who can't be held down. I love him to death and I am glad we went through hell to get to where we are today.