I'm guilty for wanting to have a child of my own body. My husband and I adopted 7 years ago, but we have been ttc for 10 years. I have an opportunity to try Clomid to grow our family. I feel guilty because I know I should be happy with what we have, but I still feel empty inside. I feel guilty because I don't feel I'm doing the best I can when it comes to parenting my daughter. I lose my patience and I find myself yelling which causes me to feel even worse for myself and her. I'm told that we fight more like sisters than mother and daughter. To be honest, I don't know what that is like. I don't ever remember fighting with my sister so I lack that frame of reference. (My family isn't as close as I'd like it to be and we rarely talk.)
I don't know if I should parent another child if I already feel inadequate as a parent to the child I do have. Some parts of me wants to just be pregnant and have a baby again. I love that stage. Another reason is my and my husband's budding careers. I don't know if it will be possible to raise a baby and a child while working.

"Just Wait Until..."

I read an opinion article last night about the worst advice to give other parents. It always seems to start with one parent (usually a younger, new parent) who is either complaining about a new habit their child has developed, or if they are young enough (such as the early 2-3's), how cute it is that this habit is. The other parent will inevitably come back with a "If you think that is bad/ cute, just wait until..." The article goes on to say how this phrase comes across as condescending rather than helpful. I know I do not do justice to summarizing this article.

I remember doing this a few times, not meaning any harm by it. One more recent situation was when I was at the playground at our complex and talking with another parent of an only child from the neighborhood. While we were watching our children play, another mom with two small girls (1 and 2 years old) came over and started talking. She said something to the effect of, "I can't wait until my girls get older!" I went on to say that she may not feel the same when they are older and then be wishing they were young again. (The other mom agreed, but I don't know if we feel that way because we have only children. It could be different with two children close in age.)

I say this about my own daughter. Sometimes I wish she were just a small infant to about 18 months old again. She was easy to care for, I knew what she wanted and she didn't talk back as much as she does now. In the long run though, I am glad she is 6 (and some days going on 16) and do wish that time would stand still. I wouldn't trade it for anything else.

My husband shared a story from one of his friends who posted on FB that she wished her 2 year old daughter be 5 right now after handing her a cup of juice and watched her daughter pour it on the floor, then laughing it off with a "But it was so cute!" It's not so cute when your 6 year old does it, and not to mention the stepping on your feet, pushing past you when you are carrying an armload of whatever so she could be in front of the imaginary line, then looking at you innocently like nothing even happened.

This got us talking about all the different things that no one told us, or that they did tell us, but we shrugged it off with "That won't happen to us" or "I learned from your mistakes" and returned the all-knowing look from the advice giver, usually in our experience, our parents.

Here are a few things we came with when our daughter was born:

• Girls have little fire hoses like boys; they can both pee up into the air as well as out in front of them. Just ask my carpet- and my husband, who was changing a diaper and almost got a face full of urine.
• When there is a fear of the toilet during the early potty training year, your child may find other ways to void their bladder... and their bowels. I had to throw out many a toy from this last one. There's nothing like cleaning your young toddler's room to discover that some random bowl-like toy has been used as a less frightening toilet. This includes the underside of a drum seat, the barrel for the Barrel of Monkeys, and many other things.
• There is nothing like coming into the living room and seeing your little one has taken off a dirty diaper, smeared it onto the couch you just recently purchased, and dancing on said couch. (Glad I was at work when this one happened.)
• There is no good cure for 'verbal diarrhea'; she will say whatever comes to mind, even about the time "Mom shaved Dad's butt!" Or one of my favorites just happened the other day when her dad and I were trying to take a 'nap' and she walked in. "Why are you taking a nap nekkie?"

Plus many more!

What a journey it has been thus far. There has been, and continues to be, challenges, more recently a semi-confirmed diagnosis of a medical condition that is being dealt with day by day.

Does anyone else have any advice that they were given and didn't take to heart until much later when their child(ren) did this or that? Was there any advice that was simply not given, but later thought it should have been? Or on the flip-side, what kind of advice have you given that wasn't received?

My Parenting Perspective

When I'm at the park, there always is a parent who runs to my daughter's aid as I casually walk over to her when she gets 'stuck' in a position I KNOW she can get out of. It's hard to encourage self-reliance when other people we don't know want to help. I tell them that she is fine and she can get out of it herself, but they still insist on helping or offering consolation by rubbing her back or by saying that she is alright if she does fall from 1 foot. She's fine, please leave her alone.

Now I understand that I may be alone in this thinking, but I know my rough and tumble tomboy-girly-girl of a daughter who enjoys taking risks. If she is in any real danger, I come running, but other times, she just wants attention from others and I walk over to her to encourage her to find her own solutions or talk her through the problem, asking what she needs to do about it. She eventually figures out a some kind of solution through trial and error. How can children solve their own problems when parents are CONSTANTLY coming to the rescue? I believe if they are going to get hurt (even if that means a trip to the hospital for stitches or a cast) as a result of their actions, then maybe they may learn a thing or two about not doing it in the future.

My daughter, being six years old, is learning to make her own lunch on the stove. She is learning cut her own food with a steak knife and prepare simple basic foods for herself. She can make her own breakfast in the morning without any assistance. She is growing into a responsible, confident, respectful, self-reliant young lady. As much as I don't like the speed of her growing up, I know I can't stop it. Why should I tell her that she is unable to do something well within her reach?

 Just a thought.